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6 Responses to Do We Really Want to Control Our Children?

  1. Heather Kelly  

    I don’t like to fully control them. I like to let them do what they are going to do, playing, running around the grocery store like hellions, I sometimes let them decide what they want to eat for lunch or dinner, or what they want to wear, even if my almost 3 year old daughter’s bows don’t match her outfit, who cares, etc.

    I try to let them play and do things, as long as they are following the rules and not hurting each other, damaging the house, jumping on the couch or off of the playhouse, things like that. As long as they follow our rules, which aren’t strict by any means, then they aren’t controlled much by us. We do expect them to respect each other and us, but we have to teach them what that means, as they are only almost 3 and 4 1/2, and even them lying, they don’t understand what lying is. It all has to be taught, and learned. They will understand in time the meanings of everything. But for now, they are kids, and we believe in letting them be kids, and not trying to control every second of their world. It’s too much work, and then I can’t be me. I don’t want to get lost in being “Mommy, the control freak.” I want to be Mommy, the one who helps heal ouchies, makes them good stuff to eat, brings them yummy snacks, but above all, the one who loved them enough to let go, and let them be themselves and try to figure things out on their own.

  2. Debbie

    Overall, I see some wisdom in what you wrote in your response to the article. I have one question are you saying that you let them run around the grocery store like hellions?

    • Amy  

      Hi Debbie,

      I am assuming you are addressing the first comment by Heather. I have to laugh because one person’s definition of a “hellion” may certainly be different than another.

      I appreciate allowing my children to be themselves while working together towards an experience of harmony and collaboration – we all get some semblance of our wants and needs being at the least recognized and most being actualized. In a large group (or even small) not everyone gets what they want all of the time, but they may find that they get what they need… and potentially an experience that can bring them to a new perspective in life.

  3. Safra

    I mostly agree, until it comes to hitting and biting. What do you feel about this issue?

  4. Amy  

    Safra, it is possible that the way I refer to “control” is different than many. I do get quite introspective about it, rooting out any tendencies to judge/blame/coerce, etc. from the inside out. I do feel it is important to stop harmful behavior such as hitting and biting. It is the approach that concerns me.

    Here are some additional pieces I have written or contributed to that discuss discipline. Maybe they will provide some insight.