Natural Parenting as a Doorway
Welcome to the “I’m a Natural Parent – BUT…” Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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My definition of natural parenting may not fit another person’s definition since it’s the version I live and it’s ever evolving. To me, natural parenting means parenting in line with one’s true nature, and that is a very individual journey. Yet here we are, in it together.
Early on in my parenting experience I intended to eat plenty of healthy foods, although that didn’t necessarily mean organic at the time. I was pregnant and I had just begun the adventure of caring for another person so food was something pretty straightforward to focus on. And yes, I ate (and still do) some fast food occasionally.
Preparing for birth and breastfeeding was next on the list. I was lucky. My mom gave birth to me naturally and breastfed me for about a year, encouraging me to give it a try. Thankfully, even after a medicated first birth, breastfeeding worked for us. I initially planned to continue for about 6-12 months.
Life started to evolve from that point rather quickly. The reality of caring for another person 24/7 hit and I floundered through various sources of parenting information. I wasn’t sure who to trust about much of anything and was slowly beginning to trust myself. Eventually I found La Leche League and felt intrigued by many of the philosophies. Although I really appreciated the encouragement towards eating foods in as close to their natural state as possible, the philosophy that stuck out to me most was (and still is) loving guidance.
Along the way, to learn more and support other parents in the journey, I became a La Leche League Leader as well. I scoured book after book on how to become the loving guide I wanted to be for my children. Books were helpful, but I needed more. I led meetings, faciltated discussions, helped other moms become leaders, and still found myself with questions – many questions. I often found myself angry and unable to respond with the love I desired. And here I was, supposed to be a shining example of loving guidance… or so I thought.
At a certain collision of breaking points the fact that I embraced many natural parenting ideals came right up in my face. Shortly after my third child was born she was diagnosed with several food allergies and we experienced many health challenges. Although I was breastfeeding and eliminated about every food I could eat, something still didn’t seem right. I felt like I was trying everything and could not find any conclusive answers from either traditional medicine or natural medicine. I was stuck, and my daughter was suffering.
I wasn’t ready to give up what had come to feel so right to me as a parent, but I was ready to go deeper, to allow myself to really examine ideas for what they are – collections of thought and experience that may or may not hold absolute truth. I started to realize that everything I thought I believed had been handed to me, everything. All of the information I was seeking, researching, and gathering was from the same thread – human observation and thought, which is constantly changing. This shook me to my core because I also saw that my thoughts were influencing my feelings, my feelings were influencing my actions, and the amount of stress I felt was in direct correlation to the ideas I held.
I started to wake up and allow natural parenting to not only be an ideal, or a way of life, but a doorway to explore the truths of life… to really choose what I take forward as a parent and to choose to keep my mind open and flexible so I can be the best parent for myself, my children, and the world. Even when it’s difficult, because we know there are challenges.
In this sense, I feel natural parenting is a doorway. As depicted in the drawing above, all of the various aspects and potential ways of parenting and being in life are like the colored tendrils… aspects of the world of form. Not only the physical form of the human body, but the forms of life – words, thoughts, things, experiences, all of it. At the basis and always in every moment is a doorway to the formless, represented by the white space. It’s not filled yet, or defined. Kind of like us and our parenting journey.
Whether we are “natural parents” or just parents, we all arise from the same source – the same basis. That is where natural parenting leads me the most… to the realization that here and now we always have the opportunity to become aware of the door and experience what’s truly inside.
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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that “natural parenting” means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn’t turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
- I’m Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
- Why we aren’t rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter’s carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
- Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
- Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
- 10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
- I’m a Natural Parent – BUT… MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
- Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
- My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
- I’m Crunchy But… — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her “non” crunchy ways.
- I’m A Natural Parent, But…it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
- I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
- Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
- I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
- I’m a Natural Parent – BUT… — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn’t mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
- Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
- I’m a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
- I’m a Natural Parent But…I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
- I’m a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
- Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
- How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she’d like to see it.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super “natural.”
- Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as “too crunchy” by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
- The Natural Parent “Model” — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
- Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
- natural parent blog carnival — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
- I’m a natural parent, but you’d be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
- I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest ‘natural’ failures – she doesn’t shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
- Who You Callin’ Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
- Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I’m Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
- Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
- Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two (“non-AP”) coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
- We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child’s bottom. Ugh!
- Committed to Cloth, but… — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
- Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her “natural parenting” is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
- Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things
About the Author - Amy
Amy is a gentle yet direct mom of five who assists herself and others with transforming anger (from mild to abusive), implementing alternatives to punishment, cultivating mutually respectful relationships, and experiencing the simple peace of the present. She shares resources to relax into parenting and life at Presence Parenting.
5 Responses to Natural Parenting as a Doorway
Amy – I wish I was half the person you are. Even on my good days I find my mind drifting to “What would Amy do?” I love and appreciate your openness and guidance that you continually commit yourself to providing to our community. Thank you for sharing this with us today.
Thank you for being such a beautiful example of gentle, conscious parenting, Amy. I also have had many moments where which have inspired to more deeply examine *why* I feel/believe the way I do about certain parenting choices I make. I’m grateful for those opportunities to understand my intentions and to (perhaps re-)focus on what is most important to me. Thank you for writing this lovely post!
This post sums up what we really wanted people to get out of this carnival – not only some group therapy by sharing our experiences, but also an understanding that there is no formula. We can all be flexible enough to find what works for our family, and confident enough to accept that others’ experiences will be different – and that’s ok
I have been writing an essay on the role of the doula and the value of postpartum support for my certification. Much of your post relates to what I am writing. When I first became a mother, I was convinced that there was a right way to parent- that if I just read and researched enough and figured out what that right way was, I would be a “good” mother. Over the years, I have slowly learned that not only is every family and parent different, but it is essential for a parent to be in tune with their thoughts, their feelings, and their instincts. I feel one of my biggest roles as a doula is to help parents sort through all the advice, the research, the emotions, and experiences and truly get in touch with their instincts are telling them. This involves helping mothers to develop the confidence they need to do what feels right. I love your writing Amy!
I love the “parenting in line with one’s nature” definition of natural parenting. And the idea of NP as a “doorway” … also love. I think this whole carnival has been eye-opening and fabulous.