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32 Responses to Sexual Feelings When Breastfeeding

  1. Momma Jorje  

    I absolutely battled the sexual arousal feelings when I nursed my toddler through pregnancy (and after my son was born). When it first started it as so incredibly creepy! Then I tried to focus on what I might do with that energy once she was nursed to sleep. But literally once she stopped nursing, the arousal stopped. It is definitely a physical stimulation thing. And it is so important to know how very normal it is!

    • Luschka  

      Thank you Momma Jorje for your comment. You’re so right. Realising that a) it’s normal and b) it’s biology is incredibly important. It’s not like you need more stress at that stage of your life!!

  2. Rebekah C  

    I didn’t personally deal with this but I know several women who did and I appreciate you talking about it. Honestly, I wish people could just get over the whole breastfeeding vs sexuality thing. We have bodies and they respond to stimulus. It’s not the same as being mentally engaged in sexual fantasy, kwim?

    • Luschka  

      Absolutely! And when you KNOW that you’re not cognitively ‘getting off’ on your kids, but your body is still trying to respond to the stimulus, it can be incredibly confusing. I regularly now think of that first time mum in our baby group and don’t think it’s any surprise that she stopped breastfeeding soon after. It is such a horrible feeling.

  3. Mama D

    OMG- thankyou! I have had this problem since I started tandem nursing and I couldn’t figure it out. It’s toe curling and makes me feel sick to my stomach until I have to rip her off (JUST THE TODDLER). I assumed it was because she always had a terrible latch due to tongue/lip tie issues and I got pregnant when she was 10 months and getting her teeth. I was barely able to nurse during pregnancy cuz it hurt so bad; so when I started tandem nursing I was shocked. I thought maybe it was all the new teeth and that her suckle was more like an adults now and my body was just trained to react that way, after all my husband was a boob guy. Many days I find myself wishing my breasts had never and will never again be sexual objects. It has even effected my relationship with my husband because I dont want him to touch them, let alone licking or sucking them and like I said he is a boob man. I tried to explain to him what was going on and he thought it was really weird but is trying to be supportive.

    • Luschka  

      I’m so glad to hear your husband is being supportive. It’s really tough, but it’s for a time and a season. It will all change again 🙂 I’m so glad the post helped you. I was really shocked by the experience and was so glad to find I wasn’t the only one! Just so you know, and to reiterate what I said, it does go away… when probably differs from person to person, but it does go away. Hang in there!

  4. Helen

    Ohhhh this is actually very enlightening. I was aware that many moms find tandem nursing ‘icky’ and that it’s all related to the toddler. I then experienced this myself and hated nursing my toddler so much after the birth of her brother that I had to stop because it was straining my relationship with her terribly. I knew all of these things but I didn’t relate it to a sexual issue until reading your post and now it makes a lot of sense! I just couldn’t put a finger on what that awful sensation was. It’s been a year since I stopped nursing her but even now whenever she nuzzles her head near my breasts (when hugging) I have a similar icky sensation and want to push her away. It’s very sad that it’s still a problem. It has never happened with her brother but, of course, I have never tandem nursed with him as a toddler. He actually self-weaned at 14 months (to my dismay – so young!) two months before the birth of his younger brother.

  5. Jessica  

    I am not a mother yet, but this is something that I have heard of in the past (briefly). You’re right, it is a taboo subject and it’s embarrassing for women to admit. I know that if/when I am a mother and if I experience this, I can imagine my first reaction would be one of horror and embarrassment! I appreciate that you have tackled this subject. I’m going to pass this along to a friend. Thanks! 🙂

  6. Symone  

    Thanks for the article. I had a feeling that this may be an issue when I first started breast feeding. The breasts are purposely stimulated during sex because it feels good for most so I was a little nervous about whether this would happen while breastfeeding. I found it best to meditate whenever this happened. This would calm down the stimulations as well as any tensions that were building up from being uncomfortable. All the good and bad hormones that are released in your body get passed to the baby so I think its best to think happy comfortable thoughts while nursing.

    • momma

      my problem is i hate the feeling so much i cant seem to force my mind to wander from that negative feeling and the physical feeling. its horrible.

      • New mom

        Tell me about it! Its horrible I hate when he gets hungry and when I feed him I’m just wishing and hoping that he hurries up and finishes eating so the feeling can go away I’m seriously thinking about just bottle feeding him so that I don’t have to get that feeling it makes me feel horrible when it happens

  7. hyacinthia

    I’m giving birth anytime…..thank you this article and the responses are very interesting…..I am also worrid about feeling this sensation when I’m already nursing my baby girl….I have borderline personality and might suffer from depression after my delivery……and I know if I’ll have the guilty feelings while nursing my baby it will increase my depression…thanks for educating me about this…more power!,

    • Luschka  

      Hello Hyacinthia. Congratulations on your soon to be baby. I hope it all goes well for you. I think the first thing to remember is that knowledge is power. If I knew I was likely to have post natal depression – which I was worried about for a variety of reasons, after my second was born – I would definitely keep the placenta for encapsulation. Placenta ‘tablets’ are said to help with post natal depression, so it’s worth considering!

      As for the guilty feelings and coping with the sensations themselves, don’t worry about it. Worry just makes everything harder, and you’re going to find so many things to feel guilty about, you don’t need to add this to your list. Some women NEVER experience it. You may not. Best of luck to you, and if you have any questions, do join us on the facebook page for help and advice!

  8. Robyn

    Throughout nursing my daughter for 2.5 years, this was something that happened to me quite often, and from the beginning. I always got and overall body buzz of good feeling and, yes, sometimes some sexual arousal. I never let myself be shamed by it. Of course nursing should be pleasant, nature needs us to want to do it. Sometimes we accredit sensual feelings to something naughty when they just aren’t. I never thought of my child in a sexual way, it was just a physical sensation.

  9. Jessica

    I, too, have had these issues with my toddler after her sister was born. I wonder, for me, if I have extra oxytocin given that I am tandem nursing? I try limiting her handling of my other breast and that seems to help. I realize that it doesn’t mean that I’m an awful person. (Even women that are raped may be aroused and orgasm but that doesn’t mean the enjoy being raped). Thanks for writing about this.

  10. Bex

    Maybe the reason you couldnt find anything about this was because it sounds very much like nursing aversion, when i had my 2nd child apart from one time i had nursing aversion when my toddler attempted to reuptake nursing (she half self weaned when i conceived) hope that helps you find more information on it 🙂

  11. Kara  

    Oh my goodness!!!! I cannot believe what I am reading and how utterly thankful I am to be reading it!! I literally just made a youtube video about my 10 month breast feeding aversion I have had with my toddler and have been in tears about it nightly. Feelings of rage and disappointment and regret and just so much tension surrounding my breast feeding relationship with my daughter. I now tandem breast feed and just like others have mentioned it is problematic primarily with my older one. For a few weeks I have been tuning into my body and trying to figure out why bd where the tension is residing. I notice it makes my uterus tight and strong tension in my vagina. Not pleasurable at all more stressful. As this tightening happens so does my aversion increase! I started to wonder if orgasm would help lessen my aversion. After I got pregnant with my second my sexual activity slowed to almost nothing. Hense I had no orgasm and can honestly say I havent had one for 10 months. When I was still very sexually active and releasing sexual tension through orgasm with my partner my breast feeding experience felt very natural and comforting, peaceful and loving. Not sexual at att. Just how it should feel between mother and child. Now a days my sexual tension is high and thus my tolerence to nursing is low. I’m having a huge brain storm and huge apiphanies right now finding your link here and connecting the dots of my symptoms. And maybe realeasing sexual tension on my own or with a partner may actually repair, heal and make plesant my breast feeding relation ship with my children, primarily the older one!!!

  12. Tee wai

    Omg this happens to me all the time but unlike the other mothers with thier older children it’s happened with both my children from about a week old. I just thought it was because I loved my husband sucking on my breast during sexual
    intercourse before I had children & my body just automatically reacted that way when I breast feed. It still happens now but I can ignore it, it’s more of a tightening of the uterus feeling(contracting) it only seems gross if you think about it that way, as soon as I stop breast feeding it goes away.

    • Jenna

      Uterine contractions are supposed to happen, lol. That’s your bodies way of restoring your uterus back to normal size following the birth.

  13. olga

    My theory is, that nipples feel so good precicely as a way of nature to encourage breastfeeding. But creepy — yes!

  14. Tina

    I’m glad I am not alone struggling with this! I felt so betrayed by my body. I loved breastfeeding all my children, but my last one I fed into toddler age. I only got these feeling with the last one. I do find that I only get these feelings around the time I ovulate and again before menstruation begins. The rest of the time it’s smooth sailing. I refuse to let this influence a decision to wean my toddler before we both are ready, so I will just relax and remember that it’s normal =).

  15. Luna

    Wow… this post is really insightful. I also have orgasmic feelings during breastfeeding, but they do not feel genital or sexual in the ordinary sense. Because of this, I feel comfortable enjoying the feeling flow through my body and do not feel “icky” about it. I went through a long healing process regarding my sexual energy and holding shame feelings in my body before I got pregnant. In studying chakras and yoga, I started understanding that sexual energy is the same as “life force” energy, which is the energy of joy and pleasure as experienced freely by babies and children. The problem only comes about when we are taught to be ashamed of our bodies and/or we go through puberty with lessons from the world (e.g. television and movies) that our sexual feelings are connected to our genitals and that bodies are sexual objects. This is actually the “normal” way people are raised in most cultures today. I think this reaction that most of you are having is a normal symptom of this cultural phenomenon based on how we were raised. When we are able to bring these shame feelings up for healing in a self-loving way, we can release the blissful energy back into our whole body experience and regain this “orgasmic” energy in our daily activities without associating it with genital (or breast ) sex. As I began to heal myself spiritually and psychologically in this way, I started to remember how it felt to be a young child again. Children usually have an unlimited source of this universal “orgasmic” energy, and that’s why they are so happy, energetic, and innocent. I know this sounds backwards in many ways to what we have learned, but it’s possible to reconnect to that state of innocence, and it actually improves our bonding relationship with our sexual partners too.

  16. Thankful Reader

    Thank you for this post. I had such difficulty nursing my daughter when she was born as a result of feelings of guilt and thinking that something was wrong with me because of feelings of arousal. I stopped breastfeeding her at four months as a result, something I also feel guilty about.
    Only tonight have I explored this, my daughter is 2.5 now. I’m so relieved to have learned that many woman experience this and that I am not somehow a freak. I will feel more resolved to continue nursing and speak about this when our second one arrives. Thank you again for shining a light on this.

  17. Teffa

    Omg I so happy to come across this. I started feeling this a few days ago and it made me cry because it felt weird. I nurse my 2 week old babygirl and after about 5-10 minutes that’s when the feeling starts. Then once she’s done nursing the feeling stops. Sometimes I just want to take her off, pump and bottle feed her because the feeling is so uncomfortable. I have two older girls ages 6 and 4. They both were breastfed as well and I’ve never experienced this. It’s great to know that this is normal and I’m not the only one that goes through this.

  18. Ren

    I feel as though a lot of commetors are mixing this feeling of the arousal mixed up with nipple aversion or breastfeeding aversion because I experienced both one the sexual one does not bother me it’s more like a sense of happiness I wouldn’t quite place it in the I need to go and fix myself afterwarda just a height in sensation. As for breastfeeding arousal it’s like I want to throw my older son across the room and run as far as I possibly can. The sensation is like nothing I caneven compare…like glass shattering and than someone picking up that glass and running it along a plate making that awful sound but place that in your skin..or on those old cartoons wherr the characters hair stands on end and they are vibrating. It’s just a terrible feeling. I feel anxious and angry sometimes I want to just scream and slam my face against the wall. This would be a perfect torture device because it’s a salinity horendous

  19. Mommy power

    Oh my gosh!! This stuff brought tears in my eyes!!i love my baby so much! She is my angel! My blessing!!
    I have always been so guilty for what happening to my body while breast feeding!! I still always managed to feed my baby coz its my responsibility! I have already been suffering with postpartum anxiety plus this discomfort while breast feeding only made me feel more and more worst!! I cursed myself for not being so natural like all other moms!! I know about how oxytocin the same hormone serves both the purposes in the body!! Thats how i convinced my self!! But its extreamely uncomfortable!! I wish God has not made both breasts and oxytocin to serve both different purposes!! I think too much and make things worst! Iam glad i found some more mothers like me!! I believe in power of a mother!! Watever i go through i wil never make anything affect my baby! Iam strong I can overcome anything!!