When It Takes Time for a Reason

(Photo Credit Ecahal)

The decision to have a child is momentous, beautiful, exciting and inspiring.  It is the deep recognition within us that drives us to think the world should go on, and we’d like to be a part of helping it along.  There are few things that hold as much beauty. 

On the flip side of things, the gradual realization that it may not be as easy as “pulling the goalie” and throwing caution to the wind can be devastating.  It’s been my experience that any couple who has been trying to conceive for any considerable length of time has a word or two they’d like to say to their high school sex ed teacher who rambled on about how you could get pregnant if you looked at each other too long. 

There is, however, one amazing gift that is sometimes hard to see when it does happen to take longer than you’d wish to conceive a child.  That is the gift of time.  There are moments when time seems like your biggest enemy.  The waiting, wishing, hoping, month after agonizing month and analyzing every. last. twinge.  But then there are moments of total clarity when you know you’ve been given something wonderful that almost any mother would gladly take if given the option. 

That is, the ability to truly assess why it is you want to have a child, and what type of mother you want to be for your child.  For me, it started with a deep maternal instinct, a completely innate desire of wanting to create life, long before I was ever mentally or physically ready for it.  I remember playing with my dolls when I was a little girl and thinking it would be so much better if they were my real babies that I could feed and change. 

Then, after meeting and falling in love with my husband, that desire and maternal instinct manifested into wanting to create life with him, wanting to have his children, to be able to make him a father, and create a family together.  There was something else though.  It seemed so much more than that now.  I didn’t want to have children just for the sake of having them.  I wanted to raise children with him.  I wanted to raise happy, healthy children.  Children who are healthy physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I wanted to start living in a way that respected the earth that I was going to bring my children into. 

Looking back on our journey, I can say that this time it has taken for us has been a true blessing.  It’s this time that has given me the opportunity to understand and research what natural parenting is and understand what attachment parenting is.  During this time of trying, and seeing one lonely line on the test month after month, I’ve come to the realization that I plan on cloth diapering my baby, I plan on breast feeding my baby, and feeding organics once on solids, and baby wearing as much as possible. 

Photo Credit Vancity 197

I never thought I would be the one to say it, but truly I am grateful that it did not happen right away for me and my husband.  Without a doubt I know that my child, my family, and the earth are much better off for it.  There is one thing I am certain of above all else.  That is no matter what the cost, if something will better the life of her child, there is nothing any mother wouldn’t endure for him.  That is a mother’s love.  And that truly is worth waiting for.

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Arpita has a background in sociology and psychology and is studying to be a Post Partum Doula. She has a special interest in helping mothers establish the breastfeeding relationship and sharing information about natural/attachment parenting. She lives in Canada with her husband. As they await their first pregnancy, Arpita writes about alternative fertility treatments including acupuncture for fertility, naturopathic medicine and ayurvedic medicine (and offers giveaways) at Up, Down and Natural. In her spare time she enjoys yoga, cooking, baking, knitting, scrapbooking and photography.

5 Responses to When It Takes Time for a Reason

  1. Rachael  

    It is the deep recognition within us that drives us to think the world should go on, and we’d like to be a part of helping it along.

    Yes. It’s taking a long time for us to conceive a second child, and in that time, my faith has been tested. Why bring another being into this troubled world? But it is a beautiful world, too, and I do so want it to go on….

    Many blessings to you on your journey!

  2. Arpita  

    Thank you so much! And to you too! :) Following your blog on Facebook and Twitter now! :)

  3. Sheila  

    So true! I got pregnant the very first month of our marriage, and even though it had been something we very much wanted, it took me longer than I’d expected to get used to the idea. I didn’t expect to feel so ambivalent, even until the baby was several weeks old! It was only then that I finally began to bond with him and realize that I didn’t WANT my old life back, not at all.

  4. Emily @ Crunchy(ish) Mama  

    It took my mother 10 years to conceive me (her first child) and I expected it to take me a long time as well. I was wrong. My husband and I were a “just one time” kind of couple. It was a shock — to the point of being completely unprepared. I have so many friends who are struggling with conception and I always share my mother’s story with them. Who knows why it took so long? Guess I was just really suppose to happen. Also, I have a sister-in-law who struggled with fertility for years and now she’s pregnant… with triplets! (After very little medical intervention, no in vitro). Things happen when they’re suppose to happen. Best of luck to everyone on their baby-making journey! At least it’s fun trying, right?

  5. Momma Jorje

    Such a sweet statement! I’ve birthed 3 children ~ all were “accidents.” I’ve had baby fever, even for one of those accidents. To this day, my ex-husband doubts that I didn’t get pregnant on purpose.

    Anyway, I am no, for the first time in my life, TTC… on purpose! It is SUCH a different experience! I thought it would be fun, but it can be sad.

    Timing…

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